Refrain
by Sophie Joi
Summary: Rolo is Lelouch's Knight after he becomes Emperor. Lelouch finishes his life and great plan, but how does it effect Rolo and the rest of the gang? From Rolo's Perspective. ---Ok, so I finished it. and it's now an RoloxShirley.---
1. Chapter 1

Refrain

By Miss Murder

Memory One

「ひとり」

It was a frightening thing, to see Brother stabbed like that. The sword worked it's way through Brother's Thing frail body and out the other side. Seconds after it's visit to my brother torso, the sword snapped out of him like a retracting snake and back in front of the impostor. To tell you the truth, tears pulled at my eyes and a sickening whale breathed at the door of my lips.

Brother fell with a small thud that echoed through the silent streets. He flipped down the stairs like a tumbling boulder and slid down the last couple of feet into the presence of Nunnally. I stood at his throne, hands shaking and legs paralyzed. My eyes were locked on Brother's pitiful face.

Nunnally, looking down at her dieing brother-my dieing brother-gingerly placed her small hands over his, a clueless tear ready face looking softly at Brother's lifeless complexion. He started to speak to her, kind gentle soft words of love and endearment. Words I had longed to hear. I gulped as my knees unlocked and my legs felt feeling. I stammered to the ground, the wale in my throat working its way out of my mouth. My red eyes stung with pain and my hands tingled with unbelief.

I lifted my eyes to the impostor. Holding the sword watching as Brother shrived up into nothingness. Almost like he enjoyed it. His masked face glazed with confidence and pride.

Before I could tune in to what was happening, I heard words being cheered. My sore eyes looked down at Brother. His lifeless body lay, a smile on his cold face. Nunnally squeezed his hand and out of her small lungs came a sorrowful longing wale. A cry of pure sadness and loss. It over reached the cheering and every ear in the country could hear it's sorrowful tossing and cries. Covering my ears and fell onto my belly, my cape flying over me like broken wings. I started to wale also, much more painful then Nunnally's. We had a duet. Both of our wales and head cracking screams grabbed one another and danced up into the air in a stretch for freedom of the ever bounding sorrow and mourning. Our ghostly hauls and reached ear tearing screeches silenced the crowned in their cheering. None of Brother's forces remained, it was just me, Nunnally, and Brothers corpse. Many people stood around us, along with the impostor standing on the float in victory. But not a soul was cheering. Not a soul could handle the guilt of cheering that murders name while two young humans sat on the floor, sounds coming from them worse then the cry or a dying demon. They all stood in silence, guilt cracking the smooth edges of their black hearts.

I was glad they were silent. Hearing our cries of absolute agony. They needed to feel guilty, for what they did. All of them. Epically that impostor.

Soon my throat rung its last, and I lost my voice. I rolled over, my tear torn face looking over at my brother. I manged to stumble upward, and off into some dark abyss away from everyone. I needed to be alone.

I was alone now, after dragging myself to the school and into my home, I placed myself in Brothers room. My back against his bed, my arms around my legs. In my knees fell my reddened face, my whole figure soaking with tears and sweat. I sat there and cried, no voice or whimpers, for nothing came out even if I tried. Just sniffles and harsh cut breaths to find air where there was none.

After most of the day and night, I had calmed down. My cheeks tear stained and my eyes lifeless. I gazed over into the mirror by brother's bed. I looked like a monster. My cape swirled around me in a sea, my black pants and shirt soaked in sweat, blood, and tears. My purple eyes seemed to have leaked color and were now stone white. As was my face, colorless.

I ran a hand down my cheek. My skin as rough as sandpaper. I would have to get over this, and I knew it. But It seemed my life had vanished along with my heart. My hand fell over the beating organ. An unsteady beat emerged to my touch, this was normal, but my eyes grew a little wider as I felt the beat. It was quite, soft, and barley there. I slid down onto the floor, and my eyes finally closed into what seemed never ending darkness.

The morning came to fast and another day was before me as I rubbed my eyes silently alone. I stood tearing my cape off and laying it on Brother's bed. Tears has poured down my cheeks even when I was asleep, and even now they wont stop streaming down in crystal clear rivers that blur my vision and hope.

I didn't dare eat, I barley felt comfortable breathing. The death of Brother was too much for me to cope. I didn't have anywhere to run, anywhere to hid. V.V was dead, he never helped me anyway. Brother was dead, everyone at the Order was gone. No one in Ashford probably wanted to see my face again. Feeling un easy, a stumbled down the hall to the bathroom.

I held myself up with little strength making it to the toilet just in case. I felt air break my lips, a awful stench also. I started to cough violently into the white toilet. Closing my eyes I gasped and called for air. It felt like I was suffocating. In the middle of my hacking, I heard a small voice from down stairs. Not able to make any human sounding noises, I just kept quite.

The stairs started to rattle and a blond soon peeked into the bathroom. It was Milly. Her face grew terrified and like a mother she ran over to me, grabbing a cloth on the way.

When I started to slow down in my violent coughing and gasping. She wiped the water and stomach acid from my face and looked at me with wide eyes. She two had been crying this morning, as tears streaked down her face.

I started to speak in a small voice, a cough here and there, "Kaicho. . . " I mumbled. She helped me up and down the stair to the couch. I was fine, I really was, but the unsettling grumble in my stomach was still against me. I sat down on the couch, hollowly staring at milly, who had sat by me.

"Rolo . . . are, are you okay?" She asked putting a small hand on my shoulder.

Tears broke at my eyes again. I started to whimper and soon I just grabbed her in need of comfort. I was ashamed to cry for brother, and I would do it for the rest of my life.

I felt her arms wrap around my back, she started to stroke my hair and breath little _"It's __okay, Rolo."_s to me.

"I, I should have protected him!" I whaled, "I should have stopped that man-that impostor! Why didn't I?" I looked up at her with teary eyes. She looked back at me, stone cold.

"No Rolo, it's okay. Lelouch did something for the world, you need to be proud of him." she said softly.

I choked on her words, "But It would be better just to have him here! With me! Please, Kaicho. I just want brother back. I'm a small orphan with no place to go, I just want my brother back!" I said, feeling like a 10 year old child.

"Orphan?" She asked. Ah, I had said to much. I guess it didn't matter anymore, I would have chased Kaicho away sooner or later. I sighed and looked down from her concerned face.

"Yes, I'm an Orphan. I'm not even blood related to Lelouch." I mumbled, looking back up at her I started to plea, "But He was the only one that every understood me! Ever took me in! Ever loved me! I knew it was all lies when he said he wanted to kill me, that's why he made me his knight! To prove that he did love me, that he _**is **_my Brother!" I cried in her arms again.

Even by not looking at her face, I knew she was most likely confused out of her mind. Her memories were toyed with also, which means she really did think I was Lelouch's little brother. I sighed.

"I . . . " She fell silent. And just continued to stroke me hair. I would have vengeance on the people who killed Brother.


	2. Chapter 2

Memory Two

「ぼく　の　ゆめ」

It seemed like a dream, or more of a nightmare, really. I was all alone, lost and broken, bruised and in as much pain I could handle. My mind was in an eternal fog and my heart beat was almost non-existent to me. There was to much pain. I had cried so much I had run out of tears to cry. I had moaned and screamed so much, I had lost my voice.

Milly was taking care of me now when she had time. I know how to cook, brother taught me, but I was just to depressed to pick up the ladle, to make a dish. It reminded me too much of Brother. I also couldn't clean house, or even look at my locket. It was like I was dead. Dead inside and out. I guess I was, though. Everything protested to move, my heart protested to beat, and my soul protested to love. I was dead.

I walked down the street of Tokyo, the sky crying for me and dripping onto my cold pale complexion. My eyes were gray and my skin pale. Hair had started to fall out. When ever I ran my hand through my brown hairs, a lock of hair always returned to visit me. Below my blood shot eyes drooped black circles from lack of sleep. And I was starting wither away into nothing due to lack of three meals a day.

To tell the truth, I didn't care. I didn't care if I died or if I lived. I wasn't even alive anymore.

I started around a corner toward the Area 11 Viceroy Palace. That's where Lelouch had held the 'execution' and that's now where Nunnally lived. I cringed at the name. Everything had been for her, everything was for her. She was perfect in his eyes, and I hated it.

Walking toward the big wet gray like palace, I felt hollow. In my hand I held a gun. I was prepared to do anything for Brothers sake. I looked down at the gun, coming to a halt in my walking, rising it to my head I felt the trigger itching in my hands. I found comfort in the barrel resting against my shedding head. I took a deeper breath and let the gun fall. Not yet, I needed to have revenge for Brother.

I made my way up to the palace door. Freezing time careful I snook into the great palace. I quickly let time flow again, as my vision started to blur. I stopped to catch a breath and let blood pump through my body for a little while. I started forward in the great halls of the palace, searching for Zero. No, the impostor. He wasn't Zero, he was an impostor.

I came to the doors of the throne room, holding my gun in front of me like some secret agent I cast my time spell once more. Opening the doors I saw Nunnally, sitting in the throne with confidence. Zero stood by her. I smiled.

I stumbled over to the impostor, my vision started to blur, lights started to flash inside of my head. I was used to this, It was my heart failing and my brain needed air. I came up to the man, and placed my gun at his heart. I didn't want to see whom it was behind the mask of Zero. I just wanted Brother revenged. I pulled the trigger, my world soon fading to black.

Time sped up again and the man fell backwards. I stumbled on the floor not able to run away. Nunnally looked over at me in surprise and then stared at the fake zero lying on the floor. She gasped as he reached for air. Everyone in the throne room started to yell, gasp, and shout in terror. I scrambled away into the shadows of the large room. And slipped away like a mouse in silence. It had been done. Brother was saved. I felt victorious, proud, and light. I finally smile, my lips seeming to crack at the action that they had not practiced for at least a week.

I started my way down the sidewalk once outside the palace. The pride and Victory soon started to vanish. I felt guilt run up my spin and into my soul. Something was wrong here, very wrong. I had never felt guilty and yet . . . I was.

I started to run down the slippery streets. Gasping for air as I ran all the way home. Like my guilt was chasing me down. I tripped a few times, but finally was home.

I opened the club house door and rushed in, hiking up the stairs into Brothers' room. I ran to the bed seeking protection. When reaching the soft covers of Brother's bed I finally bagan to calm down. Milly wasn't home, so I was all alone.

I breathed and started to smile once more. I had avenged Brother. I made that murder atone for his sins.

Turing on the TV to see if my deed was reported I grabbed the controllers with haste. I clicked it to the news channel. No news on it yet. I watched as Milly reported news from all around the city when . . it happened.

"Hold on a second! We just got an emergency broadcast!" The TV spat. I leaned in. Guilt rising once more, "Zero has been killed by an assassin! No one got pictures of his face, but It is reported to by a male, white, between the ages of 14-19, wearing what looked like a Ashford school uniform. The young man shot Zero out of no where, no one saw him come in or leave. It was like he teleported into the room and shot Zero." She stopped, paused and started to listen, "More news citizens! This is crazy but the unmasked Zero and it turned out to be . . . this is amazing, _**Lelouch Vi Brittania!**_"

"N-n-n-no!" I whimpered in pain. My heart broke down, my sold tared in half, my eyes almost rolled back into my head and a painful sorrowful screech escaped my mouth. My voice strained at the end, protesting to move again. I broke down in tears, my own tears drowning me in sorrow and disbelief. I had killed brother.


	3. Chapter 3

Memory Three

「ぼく　わ　わするない」

A knock sounded on the door. The house was torn apart, everything knocked over. Glass shattered all over the floor. All the blinds were closed, wallpaper was torn off. Tables flipped over and beds undone. Dishes, pots, and pans littered the kitchen floor. The place was dark, no lights flickered. Darkness encased me and my broken body. I was covered in blood, cuts, and bruses, my mind racing and my heart on my sleeve. The knock came once again.

Soon I heard the crack of the door. It opened and a small feminine gasp came from the soul that had witnessed my handy work. She didn't notice the little boy in the corner, crying his soul out. She looked around for awhile, I was to lost to recognize her tattered form. Her long red hair, her soft green eyes. Her gentle touch was to far from me.

"Rolo?" She asked, looking around. Her voice was sad, worried, but most curiously, love struck. If I recalled, she loved brother. Maybe that's why she was here. To rid me of my pain because I was the one that killed brother. I was the one to blame, but how did she know? That angel, that perfect little girl. I had always envied her. Her happiness, her strength, her love. She was like a dream, but a nightmare all at the same time.

She finally caught sight of me, curled up behind a knocked over chair. Which was ripped to pieces.

"Rolo . . ." She walked over, her warmth floating over to me. Her aura wasn't mean, or mad. It was soft, loving, kind, and almost . . . forgiving. I dared to turn to see her tear struck face. A hand made it's way to my shoulder. She was right behind me.

"Rolo . . . I . . . I'm sorry your brother . . ." she paused catching a glimpse of my face, "Oh, Rolo." She curled her arms around my chest, her warm breath down my neck.

"I-it was my fault." I muttered.

"Hm?" She lifted her head a it near my ear.

"I did it! I killed him!" She grabbed me tighter, turning me to face her a little.

"Rolo . . ." Her pupils were wide in shock, her lips parted a bit.

"I-I-I wasn't thinking. I didn't know it was him! I though he was dead, I was avenging my brother!" I cried, not believing I was telling _that girl _what had happen_._ She grabbed my hands in hers, smiling a bit.

"I know, Rolo. I know." Her voice was low and soothing. Tears stroked both of our faces.

"I don't know how I'm going to live with myself." I whimpered.

"I'm here Rolo, we can both get through this." She whispered, letting me rest my head on her shoulders. She wrapped her arms around me once more.

"How can anyone love a murder like me?" I chocked on the words.

"They have to look past all the dirt and sin, to find the small innocent scared boy calling out in the rain for someone to pick him up and hold him tight in their arms. Not allot of people take that risk." She rubbed my back lovingly.

"Shirley . . ." I choked, running my hands through her long soft hair.

"You never figured it out?" She asked, "After Lulu became emperor . . ."

"You would never, I could never. . ." I felt my body starting to tremble.

"Rolo, I'm here for you. I forgive you. I'll be here for you forever." My breath quickened.

"I can't!" the knife in my hand shook against her back, "I can't go with you, Shirley!"

"Why not?" She asked, moving back a little to look me in the eyes.

"Because I do love you, Shirley." I aimed the knife in her back, the point ready to move in.

"That's not a good reason at all." As said confused a bit.

"Shirley, I loved Lelouch, what do you think is going to happen to you if I love you also." I shook more as we talked.

"Rolo . . . Nothing will happen to me." She was starting to look alarmed.

"I don't know what to do with love!" I cringed plunging the knife into her back. She gasped her arms freezing around my body. She fell to the ground at my knees, "I'm sorry Shirley, I do love you. But seeing you everyday would just increase my pain. You wouldn't want to live with me anyway!" I wrapped my arms around her, our lips pressing together.

She pushed away for a moment, "But I want to be with you, Rolo." she weakly stated. Then kissed me again and again, rubbing her hands along my back.

"You will, one day." I whispered between kisses. She slowly faded away in my arms, her green eyes closing softly. I knew what I had done. I had killed all that loved me. All I had loved. I deserved it. That's why I had done that. I'll live on alone, regretting my actions. But my reward will be seeing them in heaven, when my time is done.

* * *

Authors notes?

Okay. Yeah. Sad, boo-hoo. X3

I have been writing so much this year.

I think My freaking hands are gunna fall of. I feel really bad that almost all my stories are about Rolo.

Is that bad? Do you hate me for that?

*cry cry.*

Domo arigato gozimas for reading. *bows*


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